At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
