i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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