I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my shit smells like andre
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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