I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
