Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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