You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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