Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im part way to drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
