Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
