I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
