the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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