You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
