he wants to bone in the snuggie
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
