Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
