Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
