i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
