I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
