I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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