How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
