Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
