i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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