Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
