You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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