if i can run in heels then i can drive
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
