But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
