I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
