oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
