Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
