I think i peed on brittanys purse
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
