Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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