Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
