Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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