I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
