Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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