2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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