There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i need some magic done to my vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
