At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
