I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
