Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
