shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
