Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
