he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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