apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
