i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
