He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize