Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
