This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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