He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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