Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
