Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize