I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
