im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
