I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
