i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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