Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
