haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
