I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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