just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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