does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
