The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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