it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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