1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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