When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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