and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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