did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
