how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
