if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
