Already got asked if we're dating
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
