Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
