Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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