R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
